Of grief & gratitude

I'm constantly filled with a sense of desolation and gratitude as I prepare Nancy's manuscripts for publication, revisit her favorite spots, rearrange her earrings, kiss her image in photos and paintings, and write here - at her desk - looking over the water garden, forest and sea she wanted to return to, but couldn't.

I've spoken to her day and night on the beaches of the Vineyard and banks of the Seine - murmuring, invoking, raging, and thanking her… always thanking her.

I sometimes feel robbed and remorseful for spending any time away from my sweetheart, and, finally, for my failure to save her, but every thought of her also stuns me with joy.

Although I'm steeped in grief, I’m grateful to everyone who came to celebrate Nancy or has paid tribute to her curiosity, delight, moral clarity, generosity and activism. She exulted in being solidly alive and surrounded by the ocean, birdsong, wind, friends and family, and although we've lost her, she would have wanted us to remember her with long blissful swims, searching looks, dancing steps and waves of joy.

My love to all of you,

Duncan

caldwellnd(at)aol.com

Celebrating the 40th anniversary of our meeting

in the same room at Shakespeare & Company in Paris.

When we lived on the barge with rowboats beside it in the background.

I’m so grateful to everyone who sent the photos, memories and tributes

to Nancy that you’ll find on the following pages:

- Tributes to Nancy Caldwell,

- More tributes to Nancy and her own writings,

- Eulogies for my love, 

and

- Nancy’s beautiful life.

I’m sure that you’ll also be moved by the following essays

that Nancy wrote under the name of Nancy Leenson Caldwell:

“Listening to the Kigali Night”,

which appeared in The New York Times,

and

“Memories to Moments on the Cancer Caravan”

which was published by the Vineyard Gazette.

***

Finally, here are

- some pictures of my love soon after we met

- and a link to a page about the memorial for her

that Nancy’s Parisian friends and colleagues held

beside the George Sand statue in the Jardin du Luxembourg

on Thanksgiving Day 2018.